remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
