Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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