I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
