Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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