You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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