I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
