Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
