Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
