I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
