you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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