Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
