I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
