If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
