dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
