Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
