If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
