well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
What a dumb baby whore.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
