I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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