mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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