Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
