You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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