when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i drank out of a bidet.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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