Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
