He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
