so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you didnt know i had herpes?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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