I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
