it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
