It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
