she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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