If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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