When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
