I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
