This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
