A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
