**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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