Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
