This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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