Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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