She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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