Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
