I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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