smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Pooping to opera.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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