the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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