my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
