There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
