I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
