Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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