Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
