I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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