I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
