it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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