I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Non-Jews are for practice
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
